Single and Celebrating

Be Your Own Valentine

2012-02-06T14:44:00.000-08:00

The holiday season is over
And now we’re being bombarded by Valentine’s Day media -
A time for love - a time for couples - a time to indulge your partner with flowers, candy, and RED.

But how will single people deal with the pressure?

Single on Valentine‘s Day!!

And deciding
Where to go,
Who to go with,
Or where to hide.

When is Single’s Day?

When - is the holiday that promotes freedom, choice, and independence?
When - is the holiday that celebrates the joys of autonomy?

If you’re single on Valentine’s Day -
What color will you wear?
What presents will you get?
Who will give them to you?

Remember:
You can
Pick your own color,
Get your own presents,
And treat yourself-because

If you’re single - you can make everyday your holiday!!!!!

Single People Pay More

2011-09-05T07:04:00.000-07:00

For car insurance, health insurance, travel, and memberships.

What is the rationale for this discrimination?

Do we have more car accidents? Do we get sick more often? Do we take up too much room?
Are we insignificant or undesirable?
Why do we allow society to value marriage as the gold standard!

There are 104 million single people over the age of 18 in the U.S.
They are SINGLE- never married, divorced, or widowed. - and that number is expected to increase as people lose their partners to death, as the divorce rate rises, as more people decide not to marry, and as laws continue that prohibit classes of people from marrying.

Why aren’t single people speaking out and protesting the payment of a premium for their lifestyle?

The assumptions are old.
You shouldn’t have gotten a divorce.
You’re not good enough to have found a partner.
You don’t have as many expenses as a household.
You cost us more for stamps!

Absurd!!!

Where is our advocacy?

There are advocacy groups for elderly, disabled, people of color, gay, etc.
Yet single people are in ALL of these groups.

Remember:
We are a significant number of people.
We have power in numbers and money.
Don’t support any organization - that doesn’t support you.
We are equal.
We are important.
Speak out for -

One person -one place- one price!!!

Traveling Single

2011-05-09T06:46:00.000-07:00

Doesn’t mean solo!

Do you think you can’t take the trip you want to take or see the sights you want to see - because you don’t have anyone to go with?

Do you think it would easier to go if you had a partner or were married?
Then you could plan together, enjoy the same activities, sights, and adventures - feeling connected - day and night - day after day - place after place, sight after sight.

Did you forget that:
Not everyone has the same energy level, likes the same things, or appreciates the same adventures,
Not everyone solves problems and processes information using good communication skills,
Everyone wants what they want and wants it their way?
So much for easy planning!

Planning might mean:
Finding a travel agent,
Using the web,
Getting into a group that wants to be on the same trip,
Going with different tours on the same trip,
Figuring out what you want to do, how much time you have, and how much money you want to spend.

When you get there -you’ll find other tourists.
They are from all parts of the world, they are all ages, and they have different reasons for being there.
They are traveling in different ways and have different budgets.
Some of them are also traveling single - they probably want to meet you - if you let them.

It’s a time to test yourself - to reach out, to learn, to solve problems - to make new friends.

For years I wanted to go on safari- my dream trip and #1 on my bucket list.
Some of my friends said they would go - so I got my vaccinations and waited for final commitments.
I guess it wasn’t their dream trip so after three years - I decided to go single.

I was pretty frightened - South Africa - 13 hours from anyone I knew in America or Europe - wild animals and a different culture. But- I needed to see the cats - the big cats!
It was an amazing adventure and gave me a renewed sense of self and power – so
I went to Buenos Aries to dance the tango - and
Just come back from Peru where I climbed in Machu Piccu and hiked in the Amazon.

Although I went on these trips single - I was not alone!

Remember:
When you travel single -
You only have to take care of - your wants, needs, and feelings,
You're only responsible for yourself,
You can reach out and meet people wherever you go,
You can learn from other people, share with other people, and go in and out of groups,
The people you meet want to be on the trip,
You don't have to negotiate anyone - because

Traveling single -is all about you!!!

The Perfect Man

2011-02-28T05:54:00.000-08:00

Knows how to take care of me!

He repairs things in the house.
He can paint and do plumbing.
He fixes my car.
He’ll get me if I’m stranded.
He creates and updates my financial plan.
He does my taxes.
He manages my website.

He’s charming, attractive and an interesting companion.
He helps plan vacations and enjoys the trips.
He likes the same movies, music, plays and restaurants.
He knows when to help me solve a problem and when to listen.
He’s always comforting, supportive and affectionate.

WOW!

He’s an expert in all the things he does – and he’s willing to do them enthusiastically, efficiently and when he committed to doing them.

WOW!

No such person!!!

He would have to be:
All my Drs,
All of the management team in my apartment complex,
My mechanic,
My surrogate son,
My stock brokers,
My accountant,
My web master,
And numerous other friends - both men and women.

Remember:
You can’t get everything from one person,
Deal with willing experts,
Pick people who want to do things with you,
And who want to do the same things -

Because it takes a lot of men and women to be - a perfect man!!

Be Your Own Valentine

2011-01-11T06:56:00.000-08:00

Holidays

2010-11-17T07:23:00.000-08:00

It doesn’t matter who or where you are-
There is a mass media reminder that
Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas and a New Year
Are approaching.

That means:

People to visit, presents to buy, homes to prepare, and food to cook,
Pressure to look your best, behave appropriately, and fulfill obligations,
Resolutions to make - that you hope to keep.

It’s impossible to do it all!

Yet the mandate is clear-

Be joyous on the holidays!

I’m not sure about “joy” as the criteria for a successful holiday.
But it’s probably a good time to take a look at
Where you are in your life
And what’s important to you.

Do you need to:
Re-adjust the use of your time,
Change your priorities,
Set attainable and relevant goals,
Re-organize and connect to your support system?

Remember:
If you don’t take care of yourself-the rest will fall apart.
Deal with one day at a time.
Stay in the here and now.
Make the most of what you have

And find a way to-

Have a “Meaningful” Holiday Season!

About Love

2010-10-31T10:12:00.000-07:00

To feel affection for,
Be devoted to,
Find irresistible,
Adore and
Worship.

“Love is all you need!”

If you love me - you’ll do it for me.
If you love me - you won’t ask questions.
If you love me everything will work out.

“Looking for love in all the wrong places.”

He just doesn’t’ realize that he loves me.
He doesn’t mean to hurt me - he loves me,
If I were better, smarter, or prettier - he would love me.

What will happen to me - if no one loves me?

Why doesn’t anyone love me?
What’s wrong with me?
My life has no meaning without love.

“What’s love got to do with it?
What’s love but a second hand emotion?”-

It’s the dopamine and norepinephrine -

It makes you feel high!

And if the “high” wears off -
Do you know this person?

Remember to ask yourself:

Is this a person that I can talk to,
Negotiate with,
Have respect for,
Helps me solve problems,
Is responsible,
Is reliable, and is
My friend?

What’s the basis for your relationship - without love?

About Love

2010-10-27T06:17:00.000-07:00

Annie Asked

2010-09-13T15:45:00.000-07:00

When did you first realize you were celebrating being single?

And I remembered being in my early twenties and wanting to go out -
My friend wouldn’t go because she was waiting for her boyfriend to call (before cellular),
Another friend had to wash her hair,
And another friend felt unable to be seen without a date because it was Saturday night.

My choices were clear-either stay home or go out myself!

So I began to make my own way.

I went to neighborhood bars, restaurants, and clubs.
I made friends with the staff - who introduced me to other people.
I went out on Saturday nights and met people who were out and available to talk.
I went to the same places frequently and became a regular.

And when my friend didn’t have a boyfriend,
When my friend’s hair was clean,
And when my friend couldn’t stand staying home on a Saturday night -

They called me!

When I saw Annie the next night - I told her that I may not have answered her question
If by single - she meant not being in a romantic relationship.
But my answer had made me realize that I began to celebrate being single
When I had the ability to be on my own!!!

Remember:
If you can’t feel comfortable being single
You can’t feel comfortable being in a relationship.
You can celebrate being in a relationship if
You want to be in a relationship -
Not if you need to be in a relationship.

If you’re single make your own way and

Celebrate!!!!!!

Sex in the City # 2

2010-06-24T08:29:00.000-07:00

Brings up provocative issues with regard to being single or married.

Can you:
be married and still be single,
be married and have permission to have affairs,
have a child and still maintain a successful career,
have children and maintain your sense of self,
be too old to look young,
transition from being young and sexy to older and sexy,
decide not to have children and have an acceptable marriage,
make rules for your own marriage?

Take away the camels, the swans, the fashion show, and the cultural disparities - and reviews for this movie would have been brilliant.

Because as usual - the women and the men in this series are really not frivolous - their struggles are ours!

In the movie - everyone had what they wanted
So why aren’t they happy?

They are afraid to admit:
That what they wanted - isn’t what they expected,
They don’t feel - how they want to feel,
They are embarrassed,
They don’t know what to do,
They don’t know why they are unhappy,
They aren’t sharing their feelings or thoughts with their friends or their partners,
And they are so very - lonely!

Remember:
Single or married - there will always be the other side,
Being single has advantages and disadvantages,
Being married has advantages and disadvantages,
Having children has advantages and disadvantages,
Giving up something is difficult and will have consequences,
No one wants to feel deprived,

And everyone needs to find ways to stay in touch with -

Who They Are!!!!!!!!!

IT'S SPRING

2010-05-24T12:25:00.000-07:00

IT’S SPRING

And one of the most difficult transitions for both married and single people.

People are coming out of hibernation.
You can see them:
Walking in the streets,
Strolling in the parks,
Greeting their neighbors,
And shedding their coats and sweaters for tank tops, mini skirts or shorts.

Flowers are blooming, green abounds, and everyone looks so happy!

Or are they?

Married people are looking at the single people who are out. They seem so free.

Single people are looking at the couples who are out. They seem so connected.

Body issues are prevalent.
How can I lose the weight I gained this winter?
How can I tone my muscles?
What do people think I look like?

And I‘m a year older!

There is pressure to:
Get the flowers planted,
Get the spring clothes into the closet,
And do the spring cleaning.

The sun is out and we want to “look” happy.

And yet, it is common to feel depressed during Spring!
.
Remember:
Married people may want to be single,
Single people may want to be married,
And don’t be fooled by appearances -

Because “the grass is not greener” - on the other side!!!!

WHEN YOU’RE IN NEED

2010-04-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

A friend is a friend indeed!

While I was in London a volcano erupted and the airspace shut down.
No planes flew for 6 days.
It wasn’t clear when flights would resume.
People were stranded and didn’t know when or how they were getting home.

I was lucky:
I wasn’t scheduled to return for a few days,
I was staying with a friend,
Sharing time with other friends,
And had fun activities planned.

And then I panicked!

I have to get home.
I have to work.
My plants need to be watered.
I can’t let myself be trapped.

I thought of leaving London to find open airspace -
Taking my suitcase and roaming around European train stations, bus depots- anything!

I got so overwhelmed trying to figure out what to do - that I couldn’t figure it out - alone.

So I took a deep breath and reminded myself -that I wasn’t alone.
I was surrounded by friends
Who wanted to help me and were still able to think.

I reached out to them..

Andrew reminded me that I was safest to stay where I was.
Angela and Frank invited me to stay with them as they live close to the airport.
Lynn made plan B flight arrangements - and Barbara saved plan A.
Annette kept me current as to flying status.
Vickie, Dave, and Shelly kept me up to date on the real news.
Angela heard that my reservation got cancelled and made the bad news-the good news- when she printed out my boarding pass.
Annette managed to fly me home- 1st class!!!!!!!

Everyone encouraged me to have a good time because they were there for me
And together we would figure it out.

Remember:
If you need help -ask a friend,
If one friend can’t help-ask another friend,
Your friends want to help,
And if you’ve picked them as a friend-they probably can help.

You’re never alone -if you have friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE POWER OF ONE

2010-04-06T08:01:00.001-07:00

I'm free:
To go where I want,
To be with whom I want,
To make plans,
And to change plans.

The sense of freedom:
Can be exhilarating,
Can be frightening,
Can be confusing,

And I am overwhelmed with feeling the power of one.

My father used to say, "It's better to be unhappy alone than to be unhappy with someone. If you're unhappy and alone you can change your situation."

The ability to change your situation - now that's power!

True you'll have yourself to blame if you mess up.
But if you succeed - you'll have yourself to praise

And that success will add to your sense of the power of one!

Remember:
It's your life,
If you wait for someone else to change your situation - you may wait forever,
If you decide not to try - you've defeated yourself,

Use your power of one!!!!!!!!!

The Marriage Myths

2010-02-16T14:41:00.000-08:00

Persist regardless of
the information we have,
the statistics we accumulate,
our age,
or our sex.

I just saw the movie "Up in the Air."
Is it about a man who is leading an aimless and empty life -because he is single

Or is it about the "myths" of married life!

The girl who insists that marriage is the way to go -gets dumped by her boyfriend in a text message.
A married sister is "temporarily" separated.
The sister getting married waits in the church hoping that her groom figures out "the point of marriage."
The woman who George Clooney (the supposedly "misguided" single man) thinks he might take a chance with - turns out to be married with 2 kids and cheating on her husband.

Hello out there!

Why are we holding on to myths?
Why do we think it's safer to live with fantasy than to see the reality?

Remember:
Marriage is not the only way to go,
And maybe not the best way to go,
They don't necessarily live happily ever after,
Being single can be easier,
More realistic,
Safer,
And more honest.

So if you're single -

Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!

VALENTINE’S DAY

2010-01-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

Is a very specific occasion

That is only for lovers and people with partners.
The media is all about love, togetherness, intimate dinners, and romantic gifts.
It’s about red and red roses.

Couples are wondering:
What gift to buy,
Where to go for that special and expensive dinner,
And will they be able to meet their partner’s expectations?

After all this is their once a year designated night and the pressure is on!

Singles not wanted!

Hide and stay home.
Don’t let the world see that you’re not someone’s Valentine
Or that no one has gone out of their way to make you feel special on this magical night.

Valentine’s Day seems to be particularly difficult when you’re single because:
We or someone we know,
Wishes they had a partner,
Has a broken heart,
And doesn’t know how to get thru the night.

Been there - done that!

This night calls for creativity at it’s finest.

Remember:
You are special on this day and on everyday,
Treat yourself by doing the things you want to do,
Go where you want to go,
Find your friends,
And never hide!

Bottom line:
Be your own valentine and

Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!

SINGLE ON THE HOLIDAYS

2010-01-05T15:53:00.000-08:00

And feeling sorry for yourself.
Lonely, different, an extra, everyone feels sorry for you – you have no where to go and you don’t belong.

And the fantasies:
Everyone else is happy, has a partner, is in a family who are all smiling, having fun and preparing for a great time together.

What a crock!

The reality:
People are feeling pressure,
They are arguing over where to go, how to get there, who to go with, and what to bring,
They feel financially overwhelmed and finding it difficult to buy gifts,
Or they are tired and don’t want to go anywhere or entertain anyone.

And you think you have issues!

By the way - thanksgiving is the most traveled singles week in the country.
You can be with people of like circumstances, in a resort, and no matter where you go – they’ll serve turkey.

I have traveled on thanksgiving for 25 years.
I have gone to warm weather resorts.
I have made friends from all over the world – they are still my friends.

Being Jewish on Christmas – I’ve had great times with Christian friends and great times with Jewish friends – no matter I decide to go - the food is delicious.
I am surrounded by friends and filled with love and comfort.

Remember:
If you are single you can be free from obligations and responsibilities,
You don’t have to negotiate with anyone, and
You can be your own holiday!!!!!!!

THEY ASK

2010-01-04T15:50:00.000-08:00

Are you dating?
Do you have a partner?
When are you getting engaged?
When is the wedding?

What nerve!
Is there no stopping these crazy, invasive, and inappropriate questions?

What answer will satisfy their curiosity?
Are you on their schedule?

We are taught to believe that by following some pre-determined schedule
We will be okay and “live happily ever after. “

I’m not married.
I don’t have children.
I “live happily ever after.”
I don’t answer inappropriate questions.

Unfortunately, while we struggle to answer their questions-
We lose sight of the real questions.

Ask yourself:
What do you want out of your life?
Do you have a plan?
What’s your schedule?

Are you okay just the way you are???????

A Season is Over

2010-01-03T15:49:00.000-08:00

A Season is Over.

And as I drive away from Ogunquit I try not to be sad.

Neighbors - now my friends (Kay and Ray) have sent me off with a delicious homemade breakfast, my favorite apples, a piece of apple cake, and lot's of hugs and kisses.
I am full of food and love.

My voice is hoarse.
I spent last night singing at the Front Porch.

I walk in alone:
Lane puts his arm around me and gives me his seat by the piano,
The piano player (Jason, Jeff, or Robert) says hello or nods his head to acknowledge me,
Steven helps me learn lyrics by exaggerating his gestures,
Men and women singing around the piano see me and smile with recognition,
In a place "where everybody knows your name."

What's wrong with this picture?

I'm single.
I'm supposed to be isolated and lonely.
Instead I'm with a variety of people sharing smiles, hugs, and kisses - because

This is my picture!!!

Remember:
If someone asks you to breakfast - say yes,
If you walk into a room - you might be welcomed,
Life can be a self fulfilling prophecy - believe that you are great the way you are and
Show up!!!!!!!!!

Read more at my Facebook and Dresther.com.

Just One?

2010-01-02T15:48:00.000-08:00

I arrive at the restaurant - ask for a table
The host looks at me and says, "Just one?"

What's that supposed to mean?
I have no right to want a meal.
I have no right to take up a table.
I'm pathetically alone.

Maybe:
I should have brought a book,
I should have brought a friend,
I should sit at a table where no one can see me,
I should stay home and eat leftovers,
Or I should starve to death.

I don't think so.
"Just one" is more than enough.

I'm enough!!!!

Listen to our language.
It doesn't support being single.

But remember:
Single moves to the front of a ski lift line,
Single can always get a ticket for the theater,
And there is always room for "just one" more.
Please leave your comments and visit dresther.com for more.

Believe it or not!

2010-01-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

I never married.

And I know that lots of you are afraid to let anyone know that you don't want to get married, are unhappily married, or don't have a clue how you will live "happily ever after"- if you don't get married.

SINGLE must mean a life of "unhappily ever after."

Is that really true?
Do you really believe that?
Or have you been brainwashed by family, friends, and media to believe that remaining single leads to a life of loneliness and isolation?

Facts:
Close to 1/3rd of Americans have never married,
The divorce rate continues to climb,
51% of the women in this country are single.

Please share your thoughts below.